The Must-Know Ins and Outs of Vow Preparation
Zion Brides Magazine
How to Create Beautiful Vows for Your Spouse-to-Be
Your wedding day is a stunning and fun celebration designed to commemorate one of the best days of your lives together. But it’s also so much more than that.
Your wedding, especially your wedding ceremony, is an incredibly important symbol of your love for each other and the promise you’re both making.
That beautiful promise is immortalized on your wedding day through a tradition that’s stood the test of time–reading vows to one another.
When you think about it that way, the vows you’re planning to write might seem like they’ve got a lot of pressure on them. To be totally transparent, the vow-writing process can be challenging for some.
As a wedding planner who’s been in the industry for nearly a decade, I’ve seen so many couples find themselves feeling lost and overwhelmed when it comes time to sit, jot down their thoughts, and write these important promises to each other.
The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way.
Your vows are important–there’s no getting around that. But with a few tips from professionals (like me!), you can get the ball rolling, write vows that speak from your heart, and share them in ways that are perfectly tailored to your unique love.
Top Tips for Writing Your Vows
Above All, Just Start
Before you ever put pen to paper, remind yourself of this–you’re not aiming for perfection; you’re aiming for authenticity. So go ahead, just start writing.
You don’t need to have the perfect version written out the first time you give writing your vows a go. Remember, writing your vows is a process–and that’s OK. Instead of putting pressure on your first draft to be perfect, try writing from the heart without any judgment. In fact, you don’t need to even write all of your vows in one go.
Think about it often and jot down little notes in your phone or a special journal throughout the day. Store all these ideas in one spot, then come back to them when it’s time to start writing.
Ditch the idea of perfect structure, grammatically correct sentences, and anything making sense. Be vulnerable, be specific, and be encouraging. And most importantly, just write what you feel.
You can edit and alter it all later.
Think About Appropriate Timing
Once you’ve practiced writing down all your vulnerable feelings and important thoughts, it’s time to start thinking about the timing of it all. On your wedding day, you’ll be reading these vows to your partner.
Ask yourself questions like, “How long should our vows last?” and “How will this fit into our wedding ceremony?”
It’s likely you’ll want to keep your vows private until you share them with your partner, but there’s no reason you can’t discuss length, word count, and timing with your partner so you can both be sure you’re on the same page.
Ask a Trusted Person for Their Feedback
Just because you don’t plan on sharing your vows with your partner until your wedding day doesn’t mean you can’t ask a loyal friend, family member, or loved one to share their thoughts. Be mindful and thoughtful about who you choose to get feedback from. These are special, vulnerable emotions you’ll be sharing–so make sure you’re choosing someone who’s loving, supporting, and encouraging.
You can also ask this trusted person to read your partner’s vows (with their permission) to ensure that the vows are about equal in length and content. You definitely don’t need to have vows that say the same thing, but these will likely be public declarations, so it’s important to ensure they’re similar in vulnerability and timing.
Lean on Reliable Tools
It’s absolutely OK (and often very helpful) to choose a few tools to help you during the vow-writing process. As a wedding planner, it’s my job to stay in the loop on the latest trends–and thankfully, there are a ton out there that can assist with vow writing.
Last year, Provenance, a company that specializes in helping couples write their vows, reached out to me to test their site. It’s proven to be a total game-changer for my clients. The site lets you build your own ceremony, helps you write your vows, and ensures that you can find the right words for all the important moments of your wedding.
Consider this like Grammarly–but specifically for your wedding. It helps you edit, refers you to relevant quotes, and even allows you to invite your wedding planner and officiant to your profile to complete the entire ceremony in one place.
Reading Your Vows: Everything You Need to Know
Tips for Reading Your Vows
When it comes time to read your vows, one of the most important tips I can give you is to take things slow. Look at your vows, take a deep breath, stay calm, and speak from the heart. Remember, this is your moment with your partner.
There’s no need to rush and no need to be nervous. Take this moment and hold onto it–try to remember every part of it. If you get nervous in front of crowds or anticipate being emotional, write in little reminders to yourself of places to pause, breathe, and collect your thoughts.
Public vs. Private Vows: Choose What’s Right for You
Whether or not you choose to read your personal vows to each other publicly or privately is entirely up to you. In the ten years I’ve been planning weddings, I’ve seen both, and they’re equally beautiful options.
If it’s important for you to have privacy when you read your heartfelt vows, but you don’t want to skip out on vows for your public ceremony, you can always schedule intimate moments into your day just for the two of you. Share your private vows with each other alone, then read more traditional vows in front of your guests during your ceremony.
When you read your vows to each other, you shouldn’t be worried about what someone might think or how emotional you’re getting. It should be real, honest, and in the moment. If that means saying private vows alone, that’s the perfect choice.
Where to Keep Your Vows
My best advice for couples is to keep their vows in a vow book. You spent so much special time and intimate effort writing beautiful vows; they deserve to live in a safe, sacred place where they can stay forever.
Choosing a vow book over flashcards, random scraps of paper, or reading from your phone will ensure that you’re giving your vows the justice they deserve. At the same time, it allows you to find a special place to preserve them forever.
Here are a few of my favorite vow books online:
Who Should Hold Your Vow Books on Your Wedding Day?
On the day of your wedding, you want to make sure you don’t lose your vow books. Undoubtedly, though, you’ll be busy in the hustle and bustle of it all.
To make sure you keep everything in order and ready for your ceremony, entrust your vow books to your officiant or your wedding planner. This way, you know they’re safe, you won’t have to keep track of them, and they’re ready when you need them.
Where to Keep Your Vow Books After Your Wedding
This is entirely up to you! If you chose a vow book for your wedding ceremony, it might be nice to keep it somewhere in the house where you can see it or display it–your bedside table, a shadowbox, or a shelf are all great options.
If you’d like to ensure the safety of your vow books, you can always preserve these vows in other special ways, like through acrylics, paintings, wood engravings, and special photo edits.
I always encourage couples to look at Etsy for unique ideas for their own wedding vow displays.
At the end of the day, what’s most important is that your vows are a representation of the things that matter most to you. What makes you both happy? What brings you the most joy on your special day? Find that feeling and chase it! That’s the real secret to writing–and sharing– the best vows possible.